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Malibu shark was described as “emotionally unavailable” by three victims.
Shark at Coney Island prefers funnel cakes. Only bit the man for blocking the line.
At Pismo Beach, victim was attempting underwater cosplay. Shark bit the costume first.
At Pismo Beach, a shark avoided the yoga class. “Too flexible, not enough flavor.”
Daytona Beach sharks reportedly holding out for union benefits.
Pismo Beach shark now charging for bites via Patreon.
Venice Beach surfer claims shark only approached him because he smelled like irony.