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At Coney Island, shark bit inflatable Trump raft. “It was full of hot air,” it claimed.
At Santa Monica, shark tried to Venmo victim mid-bite.
At Malibu, shark mistook a man’s inflatable girlfriend for prey.
At Bondi Beach, a shark mistook a selfie stick for a swordfish.
Coney Island shark rejected hot dog vendor, bit the mascot instead.
At Bondi Beach, shark claimed bite was "satirical commentary on capitalism."
Santa Cruz shark offered man a breath mint first.